Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark,
professionals built the Titanic.

Conscience is what hurts when everything
else feels so good.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Even if you are on the right track, you'll
get run over if you just sit there.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in
common. They should both be changed regularly
and for the same reason.

An optimist thinks that this is the best
possible world. A pessimist fears that
this is true.

There will always be death and taxes;
however, death doesn't get worse every year.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

I am a nutritional overachiever.

I am having an out of money experience.

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.

A day without sunshine is like night.

If marriage were outlawed,
only outlaws would have in-laws.

It's frustrating when you know all
the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you
the questions.

The real art of conversation is not only to
say the right thing at the right time, but
also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the
tempting moment.

Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but fat cells live forever.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.

You don't stop laughing because you grow
old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

Main Page

Top